Girl, Pull the Stick Outta Your Eye

Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

Confucius

Hello all. I’ve been thinking about why we don’t let people heal. Why we decide to shove their past mistakes down their throat and treat people like they are their past; they will be that past for forever. I know patterns are real. I know as humans we do the same things over and over. Some of us, though, are trying to change the narrative. Some of us are trying to make our lives better every. single. day. I know I’m one of those people.

I could say that I’m ashamed of my past; ashamed that I ever let myself act in certain ways. I’m a peaceful person, an Earth Mama, so letting a monster out that I didn’t know was there is quite scary. I’m learning to let that go. There is no shame in admitting you were wrong. The monster was wrong. My choices were wrong. And there’s no shame in saying “never again” and moving forward. I’ve learned that it’s important to give people the opportunity to change; to let them take charge of THEIR narrative.

I have someone in my life that… for the longest time I didn’t want in my life at all. They like to sneak up and remind me of my past. They don’t want me to live it down. I had been searching in my heart for ways to forgive, but mostly I wanted to forget. Then I started to realize…

I’m grateful for them.

I never thought I would say I’m grateful for someone that likes to shove my past in my face, but I’m here to tell ya I’m hella grateful for them. Each reminder, however painful it may be, is a beautiful opportunity to reflect. I can proudly say, Yeah, I fucked up. But I won’t let that define me. I’m grateful for the opportunity to prove that people can change; that I can change. I’m grateful for the New Years Eve reminders of past me. I’m grateful for the random Facebook messages on friends’ posts. I’m grateful for the numerous phone numbers, Facebook accounts, text messages, etc, that they try to contact me with. It used to bother me, I mean, I was working on a PPO for goodness sake. Now it’s like a breath of fresh air, because now I’m good with me. Now I know that no matter what they throw at me I can handle it, because I can handle myself. Louder for the people in the back?

No matter what they throw at me I can handle it, because I CAN HANDLE MYSELF.

So, yeah. I’m grateful! I’m so grateful for them helping me let go of the hate I held onto for myself for so long. It feels so good to let it go. To be free. To be me. So, bring it on. I’m digging the extra motivation.

We have to do better.

For too long I was so angry. I couldn’t understand why I had to keep having these reminders of past me. Why this person couldn’t just let it go so I can work on my growth. Then something happened that completely opened my eyes…
…I started acting the same exact way with a girl-friend of mine. She had made a terrible mistake that had nothing to do with me. I was angry. I couldn’t understand how she could do what she did. I kept checking in to see if she was doing things to change. Hot damn! I was doing to her what the person above was doing to me! Instead of letting her be and letting her grow HER WAY, I thought I knew what was best. It dawned on me pretty hard that I’ve been her, in a way, before and it’s not fair that I pushed.

I didn’t reach out on social media and spread her short-comings around for everyone to see…but I was acting the exact same way. Part of me wanted to shove it down her throat and MAKE her change. MAKE her see. MAKE her go to counseling. MAKE her….. ugh. It didn’t feel good. I had to let that shit go.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting people to change. There’s nothing wrong with wanting them to be the best versions of themselves, but we have to do better. We have to let people make their mistakes and learn from them. It’s the only way to truly grow! We shouldn’t jam (what we see as) short-comings down their gullet and think that we are helping in some way. People fuck up. People make mistakes. People hurt people. I think it’s important to remember that ANYTHING is possible. As human beings we are capable of causing great harm….but we are also capable of great love. We are so much more than the worst version of ourselves. We should be allowed to heal. We should be allowed to forgive ourselves and move forward.

I AM allowed to heal. I AM allowed to forgive myself and move forward.

Let your friends/family heal. Let your ‘enemies’ heal. A person’s a person…no matter how small or big their crime.

Spread Peace,
Jamma



2 Comments

  1. I so appercate these words of wisdom. It is something I am going thru right now. I know I will get thru my struggles and be a better man and husband because of it but still hard at times. Thank you dearheart for sharing this.

    Like

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