Gratitude for Time

When you plant seeds in the garden, you donโ€™t dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet. You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time.

Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron

Boy howdy. February was one mental health challenge after the another! Anyone else have a rough go? Mercury was in retrograde for sure! Or, as my sister Abby puts it, “Can Mercury get out of the microwave now?!” Haha. But I can’t blame my mental health issues on a planet. Even if I swear it doesn’t help that Mercury was in the microwave!

I was feeling so crazy for so long that I didn’t think I would get out of it. I was complaining…a lot. I was insecure and doubting myself. Doubting my journey. Doubting my ability to do this blog. Doubting my ability to grow my community of followers. Getting tired of trying to be zero waste (it can be extremely exhausting if you let it). Tired of my special diet. Feeling sorry for myself because I can’t eat like most people do. I was starting to feel like maybe I needed a break from life. A break from social media. A break from being me. Both Nathan and Kayla have been reminding me (I’m sorry it’s almost daily) that I planted the seed, but I need to stop digging it up to see if it’s grown, and just LET. IT. GROW!

…I forgot to take care of ME. I forgot that taking care of ourselves is the whole reason Kay and I started this blog.

I was going down a hole so fast and then one day it hit me. JAMMA!!! You haven’t been taking your supplements like you need to be! They are basically my mental health meds. What was I thinking?! Oh, that’s right…

A few months ago, I accidentally bought zinc tablets, instead of capsules (zinc can be very hard on the stomach). And me being me-trying not to waste things… I decided I would keep them and just deal with the nausea. Well, I hate taking my pills when I’m just gonna be extremely nauseated afterwards…so I hadn’t been taking them like I should. BOOM. All the work I had been doing went down the drain.

The most important thing is to hold on, hold out, for your creative life, for your solitude, for your time to be and do, for your very life; hold on, for the promise from the wild nature is this: after winter, spring always comes.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. (Women Who Run With the Wolves)

I made the decision to toss out my other pills and get the capsules that don’t make we want to vomit. (which I’ve done a few times – that’s how nauseous zinc tabs make me!). I’ve been back on track with my meds ever since and, WOW, do I feel loads better! Things that would bother me before just roll of my shoulder. If they are important issues, I can actually think about them before I get too crazy emotional about it. I feel more calm and able to do the things I need to do. I don’t ruminate over the fact that I don’t have five-hundred likes on Facebook yet. I just need to keep moving forward! I already know this, but man…when you’re not taking care of yourself it can all just come crashing down in what feels like seconds.

I’ve also reached out to my health care provider and we’re in the process of finding a therapist. Usually I feel like I can take care of things myself and/or lean on my friends and family. Nathan is really the best to talk about my issues because he always helps me see the bigger picture. But I’m really looking forward to talking to someone outside of my life. I’m hoping they can help me see the bigger, bigger picture.

I got so caught up in my goals that I forgot to take care of me. I forgot that taking care of ourselves is the whole reason Kay and I started this blog. My future holds so much, but I cant get there if I’m constantly feeling insecure with who I am and what I’m doing! I can see my future so clearly at times it scares me. This journey to zero waste isn’t just about zero waste…but with what I plan on doing with my future (aka beyond). I want this blogging journey to end up bringing people together. I want to show people that zero waste isn’t just this idea…it’s a lifestyle. It’s a daily choice. I want people to know that this journey is about a mindset so powerful that anyone can do it. I want to change my community, my city. I want it so bad I can taste it. I just need a few years to get there… I need to let my seeds grow so they can bloom. The only way to do that is to give them, and myself plenty of time.

I’m so grateful I have time,
Jamma

Advertisements

3 Comments

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.