3 Steps to ‘Stop Pretending’ So You Can Live a Better Life

Together we can

Amidst the wake of Covid-19, social media…heck, the media in general, has taken us by storm. Racism, riots, fear, hate, bigotry all being portrayed to make our blood boil…and OH has it boiled! Until I ran into a live Facebook feed from my friend, Tac. He was speaking on Black Lives Matter. He said, “Black Lives DO Matter. All Lives Matter. Stop Pretending!” (Before you get upset or off track about “All Lives Matter”- Tac is a wonderful human being with a beautiful vision on life.) He had me questioning what that even means…stop pretending.

Stop pretending you are greater than someone else.

Stop pretending…

…you are more than a human.

…that a persons skin color truly matters as to what kind of person they are.

…your religion (or lack of) is superior or truer than another.

…about who you are so YOU can truly live a better life.

This why I started posting more personal history lessons. I needed to stop pretending. Being who I am now, fully in love with me, I think that’s pretty amazing and IDGAF anymore. I’m anti-racist, pro-love, pro-choice, AND pro-life. (We can be both. If that’s confusing to you, let’s have a conversation about it.)

And perhaps I’m going to far with what Tac was actually saying. But, he made me realize that even though I’m not much for pretend games…I have played pretend about who I am, and I want to share with you how I’ve changed that narrative.

1) Stop Pretending: Fall in love with yourself

Realize that not everyone is the same. Not one of us. We are, as it is and always will be, a collective. The only person we are here to control is ourselves. All others, we are here to help (not force ) achieve that same control FOR THEMSELVES!

It’s time to start falling in love with the awesomeness that is YOU! It’s okay if this is strange to you. Selfishness is looked down upon. If I could give you one piece of advice based off that, it would be this…you don’t have to put yourself last so that you don’t come off as selfish.

As a mother, I find it necessary to take care of myself before taking care of my family. I don’t operate half as efficiently when I’m worn out and haven’t given myself what I need. This is why on the airplane you need to get your oxygen mask on first before helping another. We cannot flail around trying to help someone when we can’t even help ourselves. THAT is selfish….in my opinion.

I believe that once you start truly loving yourself, you can start loving others. You start seeing that what lives within you also lives in every being. It is powerful; give it a go. You are enough. You are MORE than enough!

2) Stop Pretending: Honor your needs (set your boundaries)

Set boundaries. For the love of all that is good. SET BOUNDARIES!

A key lesson in 2020 has been from my friends CJ, and Ashley. These two women are my “no bullshit” friends. Hot damn, I am blessed! I get TWO strong, opinionated women to help back me up! They have both told me, “people will treat you how you allow them to treat you.” What’s crazy is that I didn’t really realize what that meant until I found that I let people walk all over and take advantage of me.

STILL after years of working through my own worth, I had more worth to find.

In becoming Jamma I came to the conclusion that I needed more boundaries. Especially with friends. I had to let them know how I am to be treated. I know who I am , and if that seems conceded… so be it. I’m a rockstar. I love myself first. This love with myself has allowed me to love others and help others in ways I didn’t know possible. That is the power of the Universe being a part of ALL OF US. We all have the same sameness inside us, and I feel that deserves the best treatment possible

Obviously, boundaries are hella important. When you set your boundaries I have a few reminders for you: (This comes from a ‘Friendship Road Rules‘ course I worked on with Ethan).

Honor yourself by setting boundaries. It’s okay to do it right away; to all -of -a sudden be on a high horse setting your boundaries. Stick with them and you will not become the fool.

*side note* Where I understand what it means when it says, “I have a right to do what I want, when I want”…I changed this to “I have a right to do what I like (to do)”. I felt it implied that if one wanted to hit someone that would be okay. Haha, anyways. Take it as it comes I suppose!

3) Stop Pretending: Ask questions when you don’t know the answer- be an open book of ignorance

I’m not saying be ignorant. Instead, realize that we are ignorant in some ways. If you’re like me, you know very little about…well, little. When it comes to different cultural ideals, the LGBTQ + community, etc. , open up. Ask the questions! It’s okay to not understand. All you have to do is ask. It seems simple enough, but we want to ask in a way that we do not offend. So, perhaps starting with, “I’m (or I feel) ignorant when it comes to *insert ignorant feeling here*, can you explain it for me (or help me understand)?”

Stop judging other people based off just ANYTHING. Judge by their actions: how they treat others; how they treat themselves; what they allow into their lives. Do these things align with who you are? Do they make you feel safe? If yes, awesome. If no, then you have the opportunity to set the boundaries that make you comfortable. It very well could be that you put space between you and a friend/ family member because their choices do not align with you. It does not mean you need to hate them. You can end/ put space within relationships with love. It is OKAY to protect yourself!

We are not born into this world clean. Unfortunately, we have been born into a world that is broken. Where we treat people like shit just because we do not understand them (fear!). We want to say children are innocent, but how can they be? They are born into violence, hate, bigotry. We have not brought our children into a world that is clean. They cannot be clean. But, together, we can be cleansed…

… by simply not pretending anymore. Thanks Tac!


May the wind be at your back, gently guiding you on the right path,


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